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The Return of Grandma
The Return of Grandma is episode four of the first season of Full House. It originally aired on October 9, 1987. Synopsis D.J., Stephanie, and Joey enjoy a nice Saturday morning in front of the TV, until Danny calls him into the kitchen (see Quotes). There, Jesse shows Danny and Joey a turtle, named Bubba, that he brought home because it saved his life while he was on his way home from a gig. He then leaves the kitchen to get his guitar and bring it into the house. By the time he returns, the girls have noticed Bubba, and they talk their dad into letting the turtle stay. Stephanie happens to mention that Danny's mother, Claire, is coming to visit from Seattle. It turns out that Joey forgot to mention that to Danny after Claire called and said she would be over. Joey tells Danny that Claire will be arriving at the airport at 5:12 pm. A now frantic Danny wants the messy house cleaned up as soon as possible, so he can prove to Claire that he can handle things on his own, now that Pam is gone. The guys take the girls out shopping for cleaning supplies with them. When they get home, it is still about five hours away from Claire's arrival time. Minutes later, as the guys are about to start cleaning, Claire shows up and sees the mess. It turns out that Joey mixed up her arrival time; it was 12:05 pm, not 5:12 pm. A shocked Claire has Joey's mother, Mindy and Jesse's mother, Irene, come over to see the mess. The guys tell the mothers to go shopping for a couple of hours, saying that the house will be clean by the time they get back. Danny tells them that if the house isn't in "house-shape" (a.k.a. ship-shape) by then, they can move in and make their lives a living hell. After the mothers leave, the girls tell the guys that Bubba is missing. They search the whole house, even the girls' room, but to no avail. When the mothers return, the house is still a mess, but the mothers see how the guys help the girls handle the loss of Bubba, to which all sides feel a little bit better. The mothers still threaten to make good on Danny's deal and move in because the house is still a mess, so Danny has the mothers take the girls to the zoo. After a huddle break, the guys actually get to work, and, as they clean, they sing and dance along to 's " " (after which, the performance garners applause from the studio audience). This time, the house is clean when the mothers return, and with five seconds to spare, per Danny. Claire admits that Danny can handle things on his own, and the moms check to make sure the guys held true to their word, and they did. Then, Jennifer Sianski, Joey's fiance and a housemaid, enters the back door and asks for payment. Mindy's surprised at this, but that doesn't stop Danny from paying her for the "services" that the guys did themselves, though the only things they really needed help with were the toilets and all the other hard stuff. The moms then realize that they will not need the guys' help anymore, but they can still come by anytime. Claire again admits how hard it is for the guys to juggle housecleaning with raising the girls, saying that they may be a little sloppy, but the girls are getting a lot of love. The guys and their moms hug just as the girls get downstairs. The girls wish Bubba were there to see this, and that wish is granted (see Quotes), which elicits laughter throughout. And everyone hugs each other (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear). Guest stars * as Claire Tanner – Hirson's third (including the Unaired pilot) and final appearance (later played by in "Granny Tanny") * as Irene Katsopolis – Gemignani's only appearance (later played by Yvonne Wilder) * as Mindy Gladstone (only appearance) Quotes the living room, Stephanie and D.J. are sitting on the couch as... Joey: in their breakfast in sauce pans Cereal, cartoons, pajamas. This is why God created Saturday. D.J.: Let's watch MTV. Stephanie: No. Let's watch Bugs Bunny. Joey: But Steph, Bugs Bunny is kids' stuff. We gotta watch . Stephanie: But I'' like Bugs Bunny. '''Joey': Yeah, but Steph, every episode is the same. says 'Why, you pesky wabbit.' Then he takes a shot at Bugs. Then comes in, 'Ooh, I hates that rabbit!' And he takes a shot at Bugs. I mean, with all that shooting going on, I don't know why Bugs ever pops his head out of that hole. Let's face it. The rabbit has a death wish. Stephanie: Better than watching Yogi steal the same picnic basket. Boring. Danny: downstairs with the laundry Morning, kids. Joey, Stephanie & D.J.: Hi, Dad! Danny: [noticing how they're eating their cereal] I don't really see you eating cereal out of pots with wooden implements (wooden spoons), do I? D.J.: Yes, you do. Danny: Great. After breakfast, why don't we take this laundry to the bay and beat it against some rocks? Joey, can you come with me, right now, into the kitchen please? Joey: What, now? I'll miss the start of Yogi. Danny: It's not Agatha Christie. You'll catch up. Joey: Girls, take accurate notes. ---- and Joey walk into the kitchen. The dishwasher is crammed with dirty dishes. Danny: Whoa! It's Howdy-Dirty time (see Trivia)! Joey, the deal we made was this is your week to take care of the dishes. Joey: I'm just waiting till the dishwasher's full. a dirty utensil from the counter and sticks it in the dishwasher There, now we won't be wasting water. Danny: Of course we won't. There's no room for water. Jesse: upstairs from the garage Boy, what a night! Danny: Jess, what the heck's going on here? You told me you were going to take care of the laundry. Jesse: I did. I did mine. Danny: What about everybody else's laundry? Jesse: Looks to me like they haven't touched it. The lazy bums! Fellows, let me tell you about this story. Last night my band was playing this gig in Chinatown, a 'sweet and sour' sixteen party, if you will. Anyway, I'm cruising home on my Harley, right? I come to a red light, I stop. Danny: Great story. Joey: Yeah, you told it great. Jesse: Fellows, I'm building, I'm building. Anyway, the light turns green, right? I try to move. I can't. There's something wedged under my tire. Just then, this runaway street-cleaner comes barreling through the intersection right where I would have been. I came this close to being a really clean dead guy. Fellows, I'd like to introduce to you the little dude that saved my life...a turtle out of his bag Bubba! and Joey look at him in disbelief. I love this amphibian! Danny: You just hate coming home alone, don't you? Jesse: I've got to go get my guitar. Here, hold Bubba gives him to Danny. Keep him happy. It just may save your life. ---- and Joey come back from a movie. Joey: sing-songy Honey, we're home. Danny: Boys, we've got some trouble. Jesse: I'll say we've got trouble. Look at this place! It's a pigsty! I think your mom's lost her touch. Danny: She doesn't want to clean up our mess. She wants us to do it. Joey: She wants us to do it? Jesse: What's the matter? Can't you handle your mom? You wimp! You're a total mommy wimp! Danny: Oh, and I suppose you handle your mom differently? Jesse: I play my mom like a piano at Joey. Yeah. Claire: in from the kitchen Well, I'm glad you're back. Come on in! in Joey and Jesse's moms, Mindy and Irene, and as they stand side-by-side (shown in the infobox photo), they glare at their sons. Jesse: Danny Your mom called our moms? ---- the break... Irene: Hello, Jesse. Mindy: Hi, Joey. Jesse & Joey: stunned Hi, mom. ---- the moms say they'll take turns coming over to clean... Danny: Boys, we are staring into the jaws of a never-ending living hell. Moms: What?! Danny the moms No offense. Joey: Moms, I don't blame you for treating us like children, because sometimes that's how we act. Jesse: Yeah, listen, girls. When we first moved in here, we knew we had some responsibilities to do, but we haven't really fallen through yet, but from now on we're really going to buckle down. Danny: Mothers, I have a proposition for you. You all go shopping for a couple of hours, and if this place isn't clean by the time you get back, you can all move in and just rule our lives forever. Deal? Mothers: adults do a basketball-style huddle with hands on top of one another... Deal! ---- guys come upstairs with their cleaning supplies in hand. Danny: Okay, there's the bathroom. Jesse: Yep, there's the bathroom. Joey: nods Same place it was last time we didn't clean it. all stare inside. Danny: Here's a thought: why don't we see if the girls have finished cleaning their room. Jesse: Loving it. Loving it. open the door to the girls' room, which is an even bigger mess than it was before. The girls are on their knees, rummaging around. Danny: What happened? Joey: There's been a bedroom tornado. Stephanie: We lost something. Danny: Might that be your minds? D.J.: We lost the following word with her hand. Jesse: What exactly is her? Stephanie: 'Mmmph' is what you say when you don't want to say... 'Bubba'. Jesse: You lost Bubba?! Joey: He loves that amphibian. D.J.: We're really sorry. We turned our backs for one minute and he was gone! ---- from shopping... Claire: Oh, we're gonna have a great time living here, right, girls? Mindy: Oh yes, we are. Irene: You bet. Danny: Just a minute, ladies. We would like another shot at this, please. Joey: Why don't you take the girls to the zoo for three hours? D.J.: Yeah! Stephanie: Yeah! Jesse: We got some work to do. All right? Claire: All right her hand in for another all-hands-in huddle. Adults: And break! ---- guys end their cleaning and singing by doing the splits on the very last note of "I Feel Good". Joey: I split my pants! Danny: I can't stand my pants! Okay, guys. We made it with five seconds to spare. Come on. Everybody up. Let's go. Five.... Joey: All right. Okay. Danny: …four, three… Jesse: Cool. Casual. Calm. Danny: …two, one. Jesse: All right. right on cue, the moms and girls return from the zoo. Claire: We completely lost track of the time. Irene: Oh, it's immaculate! Stephanie: Grandma Irene, does this mean hell is freezing over? Danny: Go on, find a speck of dirt, a microbe of filth. I double dare you. Moms: Okay. Irene: All right. girls start to put their zoo souvenirs down on the steps, but... Guys: Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Danny: That's not where those go. Jesse: the girls You take grandma's goodies upstairs and put them in the toy box now. ---- Danny: From now on, things are gonna go a lot smoother around here. Claire: I'm sure they will. Does that mean you won't need us anymore? all do "The Lip". Joey: They're good "The Lip". Jesse: Of course we still need you. You girls come by and visit anytime. Claire: OK, listen, I have to admit I was worried how you boys were managing the girls, but... Well, you may be a little sloppy, but those kids are getting a lot of love. Danny: Aw, thanks, Mom. of the moms hug their sons. Claire: Honey. D.J.: Aw, this is nice. I wish Bubba was here to share this. comes Bubba on a skateboard. Bubba! Stephanie: after through the backdoor I found him. I love that amphibian! Trivia *Danny's "It's Howdy-Dirty Time!" is a take on "It's Howdy-Doody Time!", the opening catchphrase to (TV show) *''Goof'': A few characters (beginning with Jesse) call the turtle, Bubba, an "amphibian", and although some people think that turtles are amphibians they are actually reptiles *At one point in the episode, an audience member can be heard saying "Turtle" Category:Season 1 Category:Episodes Category:Trivia